Archive for category: True Stories

During a lesson about relative clauses, the teacher began a mini game-like quiz and this small conversation gem came up. Italics denotes Japanese.

Teacher: This man is an actor who is very famous right now. (Hoping to get the answer “Kimura Takuya”)

Student: Is he Harry Potter?

Teacher: Sorry, no. Here is another hint: This man is a JAPANESE actor who is very famous because his movie — yes, his movie — came out recently.

Student: Is he Harri Pacchi?

Teacher: No.

Student: Is he Harri Pocchi?

Return of Daisuke: The Daisuke Rap

Someone should sign up this cute little boy to Johnny Entertainment RIGHT NOW. He is too clever and adorable for his own good. Readers might remember him from the mayonnaise-my-name-is True Story blog a while back. He is featured again in today’s True Story.

I was reviewing self-introductions to the children. We were reviewing answers to questions like, “What’s your name?” and “How old are you?” when a boy asked me, “YO tte nani?” (“What’s yo?”)

I explained that it’s a very casual way of saying hello, but only to your friends. For fun, we practiced all types of greetings, introductions, and questions. All was going well, when Daisuke stole the show with this little ditty. Imagine it with all the attitude you can muster in a small 9 year old boy with a swagger.

“Yo yo yo! M-m-my name is! M-m-my name is …. DAI-DAI-DAI DAISUKE! Yo yo yo! What’s your name? What’s your name? W-w-w-what’s your name? I’m happy! I’m happy!”

Then he said this which received an applause from me.

“Yo yo? Yo yo? I’m eight ja nai. I’m nine. I’m nine years old! I’m 10 ja nai! I’m ten sai! I’m 10 ja nai! I’m ten sai! GENIUS boy! YEAH!”

Hello? Johnny Entertainment? I think I found you a new idol.

Note: “Ja nai” is a negative affix. So his half-English and half-Japanese statement of “I’m eight ja nai means “I am not eight”. Usually, when you are stating your age you would use this phrase “~sai desu”, so “juu-sai desu” mean “I am 10 years old”. His joke here is a pun on numbers and the Japanese word tensai which means “genius” or “prodigy”.

The fantastic thing about Japanese children is that they are ego boosters. Talk to a child and they will tell you how wonderful your dress is, how cute your hair is, how they like everything you like and how everything you touch is gold.

They are like your very own paparazzi which can have its own bad points, but for the most part they mean no harm.

I overheard this piece of gold today from the staff room:

“These kids really must like Ana-sensei. I’m reading their diaries and this one says, ‘I saw Ana-sensei at the festival today. She ate cotton candy.’”

“‘I saw Ana-sensei at Max Value. She always buys the onigiri with the orange wrap.’”

“‘I said hello to Ana-sensei at the festival and she said hello back.’”

“‘Ana-sensei had the cutest boots. I want the same boots.’”

“‘At the festival, I saw Ana-sensei buy 1 stick of yakitori and 1 stick of pork. Later, I saw her and she was still eating.’”

“‘I spoke a bit of English to Ana-sensei and she understood!’”

“‘I said hello to Ana-sensei, but it wasn’t Ana-sensei. It was a Chinese person.’”

They even record the failed Ana-sensei sightings. Awesome.

I was sitting, eating my lunch with a class full of grade five students. I gulped down a piece of bread and smiled at the girl beside me. K-chan gulped down her piece of bread.

I asked, “What is the date tomorrow?”

“November … ten?”

“Very good. November TENTH.” She smiled at her correct answer. This time I gave her a sly look and asked, “What is November 10th?”

“I don’t know.”

Glasses-girl, who sat beside her who also happened to be listening to our simple conversation piped up in Japanese, “Juu-ichi gatsu touka?” (lit. November 10th?) I nodded. The glasses-girl paused thoughtfully and said, “ii TOIRE?”

Now, let me pause right there and explain something about the Japanese being said here. November 10 can be read as 11/10 or pronounced as juuichi-gatsu touka. The zero in the number 10 can be pronounced as rei. The eleven (11) looks like ii which means “good”. OK, let’s continue.

I almost spat out my tea as I exclaimed, translating, “GOOD TOILET?!” My face must have fallen a bit since K-chan then had a sudden epiphany, “moshikashite, Ana-sensei’s birthday?” (lit. Could it be ..)

“Yes. November 10th is my birthday. Good toilet.”

The lunchtime bell rang with the sounds of happy children rushing to play outside and the chorus of “Ana-sensei’s birthday is GOOD TOILET!”

GOOD TOILET DAY ANA-SENSEI!

Thirty-four hyper grade three children ran up and down the desk aisles, parroting my English accent as best as they could with the lines, “Hello. What’s your name? My name is …” while waving their Bingo worksheets.

Hello! What’s your name? My name is OO. Hello! What’s your name? My name is AA. Hello! What’s your name? My name is BB. Hello! What’s your name? My name is CC.

One boy came up to me with a sly look on his face. Daisuke looked back and his trio of friends waved their sheets beckoning him to speak to me.

Daisuke: Hello! What’s your name?

Me: My name is Ana. What’s your name?

Daisuke pointed to his name crest on his t-shirt and then ran his finger underneath the hiragana. Then he made an X sign with his two pointer fingers.

Daisuke: Daisuke, No! DAISUKI (lit. meaning “Like ~ very much”)

Me: … What?

Daisuke: My name! I like MAYO … very much!

Me: … What?

Daisuke: MA-YO-NEEEEEEE-ZU Daisuke! Ha ha! Daisuke! Daisuki! MA-YO-NEEEEEE-ZU!

An English rakugo comedian in the making.

Note: MA-YO-NE-ZU Daisuke was a pun he created for his name. Mayonnaise sounds a lot like “My name is~” and he changed his name, Daisuke, to mean “like ~ very much” or daisuki.

In a second year junior high school class, the children were taught to make conditional sentences using If at the beginning of the sentence. After a demonstration parodying the Ore Ore Sagi*using the sentence, “If you love me, give me money!”, the children were to make their own skits. The following is the best of them all. (Names were blurred for privacy reasons.)

It may not look like much, but I wanted to show the world that this script does exist and I do not make this shit up. It was much better performed although ‘stage directions’ were not written. Let’s just say it was acted flawlessly complete with spoken sound effects. Here’s a better re-written rendition of the script with the acting that was involved. Needless to say, I was impressed. (Note: Spoken sound effects are noted by bold italics .)

***

Scene: You see a bank teller (BOY 1) casually working. A man (BOY 2) enters through the sliding doors. WHOOSH The sliding doors close. WHOOSH. BOY 2 looks nervously around and fidgeting as he approaches the teller.

BOY 1: May I help you? (BOY 2 takes out an imaginary pistol and clicks the back of the pistol. C-C-CLICK! )

BOY 2: FREEZE!

BOY 1: What?! (BOY 1 immediately raises his hands and looks distraught. BOY 2 quickly pushes a bag to the counter.)

BOY 2: If you don’t want to die, put money in my bag. (Dramatic pause and then more urgently) IF you DON’T WANT TO DIE, PUT-MONEY-IN-MY-BAG!

BOY 1: (Hesitates and meekly asks) Why do you want money?

BOY 2: (Looks around nervously and then continues) One year ago, my son went into a hospital. I need money because I don’t have money.

BOY 1: You look sad, but you mustn’t do that. (He waves his hand over the bag and the nervous gun-waving figure of BOY 2.)

BOY 2: OK. (Pause and then he crumples to the ground, crying. Shoulders heaving while sobbing, BOY 1 places his hands on BOY 2′s shoulder in comfort.) Thank you.

***

It’s OK. You can cry now. I won’t tell anyone.

*Ore Ore Sagi: (Loosely translated as “It’s me! It’s me! Scam”) A popular phone scam. A con artist will call up a victim pretending to be a distraught relative in need of quick cash (saying “It’s me! It’s me!”) and have the money placed immediately in a designated bank account. Reasons stated for the cash includes and not limited to car accidents, dispute settlements, etc.

A conversation with a junior high student about Halloween.

Ana: Halloween is coming up! We celebrate Halloween in Canada.
Student: Halloween is also celebrated in America.

Ana: Yes, it is. Do you want to celebrate Halloween?
Student: No.

Ana: Do you know what happens in Halloween?
Student: You shoot us.

Explanation and reference to this later.

Afterwards …

Ana: You see, that’s in America. We give you candy in Canada.
Student: I think I like Canada better.

“Ok, class. I will yell out a colour and you need to find something in that colour and touch it like this,” I explained to the noisy munchins as they excitedly hopped to standing attention once I told them that we were going to play a game.

“Green!” Then I extended my pointer finger as I exaggerated a dramatic poke at my green ballet flats. “Touch! See?” The kids continued to chatter amongst themselves, hopping and nodding in comprehension.

“Brown!”

Cheeky Takahiro-kun dashed to the front and poked my exposed skin on my forearm.

“Touch.”

“Hey, Ana-sensei did you know that OO-sensei wanted to be a bus guide when she was young?”

The other students peered over their shoulders at OO-sensei who was blithely unaware of the little curious eyes. Little Shouhei beamed over the trivia that caused much side-way glances from each of the students. We all looked at each other while we ate our lunch, nodding at our shared general knowledge for possible future teacher heckling. It was like Fight Club. First rule of Kid Club is You do not talk about Kid Club. Poor OO-sensei.

The girl next to me nudged me with her shoulder, not wanting to let go of her chopsticks as she managed to simultaneously nudge me while inhaling her portion of jya- jya-men. “What did you want to be when you were like us, Ana-sensei? You’re very pretty. I bet you wanted to be a model.”

I hugged the child. “You are my favorite now.”

The students were expected to write a few sentences about their summer vacation stating the date, with whom, and where.

Something like the following the model:
In August 11, I went to Kochi with my sister. I saw the yosakoi festival. It was very fun.

I read this from a male student:
In August, I stayed at home. I went to the bathroom alone. It was great.