Don't Make Me Take Off My Sailor Uniform

Dear Japan,

I find your method of sex education much more entertaining than North American standards. Please forward all cautionary pop songs related to teen pregnancy to both Canada and America. I think we can benefit by happily singing societal expectations and presumptions about the average pre-teen and their sexual curiosity repeatedly.

A fan and Canadian Ambassador,
Ana

I really cannot emphasize the ridiculousness of the song, “Don’t Make Me Take Off My Sailor Uniform”. It originally debuted on 1985 by the all female pop group Onyanko Club (or literally “The Kitten Club”). This is their debut song and their debut album contains such gem titles like “Otto Chikan!” (literally, “Oh no! A Pervert!”), “Oyoshi ni Natte TEACHER” (literally, “Oh Behave, Teacher”) and, my favorite, “TEDDY BEAR no Goro: Shoujo no Kaori” (literally, “Teddy Bear Time: The Scent of a Young Girl”).

It was this girly idol group that inspired another generation of silly girl idols like Morning Musume who foolishly did a cover of the aforementioned song.

This strengthens my love/hate relationship with Morning Musume. On one hand, they’re really dumb and songs like this just makes me die a little inside; however, it’s because of this stupidity that I can make fun of them. My disgust for them is on par with my sadistic tendancies; such is my life.

Here are the lyrics of the clip (in romaji since I cannot post kanji on my blog for whatever reason):

SAILOR fuku wo nugasanaide
ima wa dame yo gamannasatte
SAILOR fuku wo nugasanaide
iya yo dame yo konna tokorojya

onna no ko wa itsudemo
MI-MI-DO-SHIMA
obenkyoushiteruyo AH- mainichi

tomodachi yori hayaku
ecchi wo shitai kedo
KISS kara saki ni susumenai
okubyousugiruno

shuukanshi mitai na
ecchi wo shitai kedo
subete wo ageteshimauno wa
mottai naikara … agenai!

Loosely and lazily translated:
Please don’t make me take off my sailor uniform.
Not now. Be patient.
Please don’t make me take off my sailor uniform.
I don’t want to. I can’t. Not in a place like this.

Most girls, at any time,
receive second-hand sexual information.
It’s studied, like, everyday.

I know you want to
fool around much earlier compared to your friends.
It’s very intimidating
not to advance beyond a kiss. (This part I’m a bit wary on.)

I know you want to
fool around just like the weekly magazines.
But just giving it all up
is a waste. I won’t give it up. ( I added just as a lazy colloquialism to emphasize the regret in the expression “~shiteshimasu”)

(Yes, I do believe they are implying their virginity.)

Oh Japan. You crack me up.