The Savage Muse

I am more or less becoming settled here in my new rural town of Izunokuni. (If you haven’t heard of it, don’t worry. No one else outside of Japan has heard of this town.) Interac has kindly paired me up with a cute Japanese and English speaking woman, Hira-san, who has to accompany me for a week, ensuring that my transition to Japanese life is going smoothly.

On this particular day we had some time to kill and spontaneously found a free foot spa/bath somewhere in the boonies. What was a serene moment was turned into a farce by yours truly. It is a gift, I tell you, a gift.

Computer says, “No”
I had a Little Britain moment, particularly like this one. My week of orientation with the combination of helpful translated documents about Japanese applications has led me to naively believe that happy thoughts and pixie dust will make the whole account setup a breeze and I’ll fly away, quick as a wink, to continue on with the rest of my life.

Foolish, foolish mortal.

What should have taken, at most, 45 minutes took about 2 hours. Between me, the bank clerk, and Hira-san (bless her!), the bank clerk tried his best to translate himself and was under the mistaken idea that I had to fill out another form besides the one I knew I had to do.

Ana/Hira: Are you sure?
Clerk: Computer says No.
Ana/Hira: So I have to fill this out?
Clerk: Yes.
Ana/Hira: But I shouldn’t have to; this does not make sense.
Clerk: Computer says No.

Of course, the form being an official document and me, wary of anything that needs my signature, took the time to understand the damn thing inside and out.

After I had filled the silly thing out, the bank clerk was on the phone for about 20 minutes talking to his superiors. A couple sheepish edgewise looks my way, I knew that he understood he had wasted my time. He apologized profusely to both Hira-san and me, presented me with a post box shaped bell chime and some plastic onigiri containers, then gave me my new bank book.

At least I have a new bell chime.

Dear Japan,

I find your method of sex education much more entertaining than North American standards. Please forward all cautionary pop songs related to teen pregnancy to both Canada and America. I think we can benefit by happily singing societal expectations and presumptions about the average pre-teen and their sexual curiosity repeatedly.

A fan and Canadian Ambassador,
Ana

I really cannot emphasize the ridiculousness of the song, “Don’t Make Me Take Off My Sailor Uniform”. It originally debuted on 1985 by the all female pop group Onyanko Club (or literally “The Kitten Club”). This is their debut song and their debut album contains such gem titles like “Otto Chikan!” (literally, “Oh no! A Pervert!”), “Oyoshi ni Natte TEACHER” (literally, “Oh Behave, Teacher”) and, my favorite, “TEDDY BEAR no Goro: Shoujo no Kaori” (literally, “Teddy Bear Time: The Scent of a Young Girl”).

It was this girly idol group that inspired another generation of silly girl idols like Morning Musume who foolishly did a cover of the aforementioned song.

This strengthens my love/hate relationship with Morning Musume. On one hand, they’re really dumb and songs like this just makes me die a little inside; however, it’s because of this stupidity that I can make fun of them. My disgust for them is on par with my sadistic tendancies; such is my life.

Here are the lyrics of the clip (in romaji since I cannot post kanji on my blog for whatever reason):

SAILOR fuku wo nugasanaide
ima wa dame yo gamannasatte
SAILOR fuku wo nugasanaide
iya yo dame yo konna tokorojya

onna no ko wa itsudemo
MI-MI-DO-SHIMA
obenkyoushiteruyo AH- mainichi

tomodachi yori hayaku
ecchi wo shitai kedo
KISS kara saki ni susumenai
okubyousugiruno

shuukanshi mitai na
ecchi wo shitai kedo
subete wo ageteshimauno wa
mottai naikara … agenai!

Loosely and lazily translated:
Please don’t make me take off my sailor uniform.
Not now. Be patient.
Please don’t make me take off my sailor uniform.
I don’t want to. I can’t. Not in a place like this.

Most girls, at any time,
receive second-hand sexual information.
It’s studied, like, everyday.

I know you want to
fool around much earlier compared to your friends.
It’s very intimidating
not to advance beyond a kiss. (This part I’m a bit wary on.)

I know you want to
fool around just like the weekly magazines.
But just giving it all up
is a waste. I won’t give it up. ( I added just as a lazy colloquialism to emphasize the regret in the expression “~shiteshimasu”)

(Yes, I do believe they are implying their virginity.)

Oh Japan. You crack me up.